Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Me and Bama.

So, I was perusing through the Twitters yesterday, and I happened upon my grandfather's profile. Now let's be clear. My grandfather is in his mid-eighties, and he has a Twitter profile. His wife, my grandmother is relatively active on Facebook, as it lets her keep in touch with the out of town family. What I'm saying here is that my grandparents, in their eighties, have decided to become more computer literate than half the people currently in congress. I hear.

In contrast, my other-side-of-the-family grandmother never trusted the fact that her husband even purchased a computer. Once when he asked me to help connect him to the internet and learn how to use it (we're talking start with the power button and take thorough notes), she kept walking by the room and glaring suspiciously at us. When she overheard some someone suggest once that the computer might have a bug, she started screaming to throw the computer outside, that she would not have anything bringing bugs into her house.

This sounds like I'm joking. I promise you, I am not. It went pretty much exactly like THROW IT OUT! TAKE IT OUTSIDE! I KNEW YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BOUGHT THAT THING! I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING WITH BUGS IN MY HOUSE!!

But also, this TOTALLY FEELS like how someone in their seventies or eighties should respond to the internet. It is exactly how I intend to respond to all new things once I have passed retirement age. Stay off my lawn. Kids these days. Everything is the worst. See? I'm all set.

But back to the point here, my 86-year-old grandfather is on Twitter. The first time I saw him tweet, he said, "How does one receive tweets?" And I'm pretty sure he won the whole internet, times infinity. It's my favorite thing ever. So last night I checked in on him. And I just so happened to notice that Grandpa is following 2 people.

One is me.

The other one is the President of the actual freaking United States of America.

Which, I gotta say, straight up blew my mind. It's like my grandfather came onto the internet, looked around, and said wow. There is a LOT of crap out here. A lot of people saying a lot of things that I have no interest in whatsoever. What a bunch of horse pucky. But you know who I DO care to listen to? You know whose thoughts and feelings I WOULD like to know more about? One Mr. Leader of the Free World, Barack Obama.

Also?

Ashley.

That's it, forget everyone else, because everyone else is the worst. Just Barack and Ashley and that is all.

And after I thought about that for a while, my mind went to math. Like it do. Because now, there is a set that exists in the universe, whose cardinality is 2. And that set is, {Ashley Miller, Barack Obama}. People my grandfather wants to hear from on Twitter. I am, exclusively, in a set with the president.

Now pardon me while I go warm up my coffee in the microwave for the 3rd time today. I need a minute to bask in the warm glow of my new famousness.

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