Okay, this is like, insanely embarrassing and I should definitely not be telling you this. But I don't even know what to do with my life anymore. It's so bad, in fact, that I spelled like 3 words wrong in the first sentence because my brain won't even let me type this. I'm over come. I'm over whelmed. I'm over stunk.
It's the bathroom. Obviously, you got that already. But guys, it's my bathroom. In my home. My precious, precious home, the first place I bought with my husband, that we lovingly watched transform from an empty patch of dirt into our cozy little love nest. The place we have adjusted to fit 4 additional little persons. The place that is my comfort and my sanctuary.
Except for now, wherein it has suddenly become my personal hell.
Now y'all know that I'm not a tidy or well organized person. I feel you can tell when you meet me. Like you saw a NOT A TIDY ADULT PERSON sign on my forehead. Or maybe you just noticed my unzipped purse, overflowing with crumpled receipts dating back to the creation of stonehenge.
Either way, y'all know I'm not a tidy person. And mostly, I feel like I can handle it. I mean, 4 kids in a small house is going to mean lots of clutter and toys and dishes and laundry and... whatever. It's not ideal, but it's my home, and I'm cool with that.
Unless it stinks.
And right now, it stinks. Like STIIIIIIIIIIIINKS. Stinky stinky stinks. It's the guest bathroom. Well, the kids bathroom. Like, the one non-Master bathroom. Also, the only bathroom with a bathtub in it.
I am pretty sure the reason for the horrible terrible is that we were dumb enough to think it would be a cool idea to have 2 sons. Who pee standing up. And apparently, couldn't hit the toilet if their little lives depended on it.
Even as I'm typing this guys, I realize I'm lying. I know who did this. My 5-year-old son doesn't even stand up to pee. He thinks that's a suckers game. Because why not sit down? Why not chill out for a bit if you have the opportunity? Like a prince on his throne, he sits to pee.
But his brother doesn't.
No, his 3-year-old brother stands when he pees. Also, he is the kind of person who thinks it is hilarious to run down the hallway spitting on his siblings. Obviously it's him. I was just trying to pretend for a minute that maybe it wasn't. But it was him. It was totally him.
So now that I have my culprit, it's time to get on to the problem. The bathroom reeks, just absolutely reeks of stale urine. So I scrubbed it all down. And it stinks. I used a different product, scrubbed it down again. And it stinks. So I hosed down the entire toilet and floor with a pressure washer*. And it stinks. I scrubbed the floor, I scrubbed the tub wall, I scrubbed every nook and cranny I could find on the toilet itself. And it all. Still. Stinks.
I actually got super excited** for a minute when I discovered a crusty stinky layer of dried up urine in that little space behind the toilet seat, under the tank. I thought I found it. I scrubbed it out. And scrubbed. And scrubbed.
And it. STILL. STINKS.
I'm at my whits end, my friends. What comes next? Do we just... throw the toilet out and start all over? Burn the house down? Are there any other options??? What is HAPPENING?? AND WHERE IS THAT PEE SMELL HIDING?!?
It's horrible guys. And I need your help. For one, no one can be expected to live like this. But two, I am a person who likes to deal with my stress-feelings by reading a good book in a hot bath. It's my thing. Whatever. But as I mentioned before, the stink-room has the only bathtub in the house. And relaxing in a bath while enjoying the fragrant aroma of Eau-De-Stale PeePee is not actually as relaxing as it sounds.
So help me guys. For my sanity. And for the safety of my family. Help me kill the Stink.
*Originally intended for washing cloth diapers. Not for out of door activities. Just so we're clear.
**This is what my life has become.