Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Rules for Surviving Motherhood with your Sanity

If you want to survive the experience of mothering small children, there are some pretty important rules that you should totally follow. Or you won't survive at all. You'll die. It's pretty much a guarantee. And let me assure you, death by tiny humans is no way to go.

1- To start with, avoid having a lot of kids close together in age.
You are allowed to have children, and you may, in rare instances have multiple children, if you, for some reason think the world REQUIRES so many miniature copies of you, but at the very least, space them out. This way you can focus on each child individually and they will not overwhelm you. NOTE: It is HIGHLY important for mothers to be able to parent from a place that is NOT overwhelmed. This is absolutely ESSENTIAL.


2- Allow dinner time to be sacred. 
Serve a healthy meal, at an appropriate hour. Dinner time is a chance for the family to come together and reunite at the end of a day, and should not be interrupted by any one child's desperate need for attention, or desire to be silly. No loud noises, no inappropriate jokes. Always remind the children that they are not to speak unless spoken to. 




3- Make sure your children are always well dressed, and neat. 
There is something centering about starting your day well. Make the bed. Get dressed. Meet the day in a state of preparedness. Along with this, if the children are used to staying neat and clean, they will understand the importance of maintaining cleanliness and order in all aspects of their lives. That order will translate to peace and sanity in all parts of your life. So keep your children well dressed, clean and orderly, and you will thank me later!

4- And above all, parent from a place of rest. 
Prioritize self-care. If you, as a mother are unrested, if you have allowed any stress to enter your life, if you do not take care of yourself first, you simply have nothing to give to another person. First secure your own air mask, then help those around you. If you are tired, you may find yourself grumpy. You may feel stressed. Your house will become messy and your psychology will suffer. So make sure you take lots, and lots, and lots of time, just for you.

So fun story? Turns out I may in fact be failing at, well,  just about all the things. Our house is small. It is noisy, and messy, and full of chaos and laughter and a mommy that sometimes cries in the bathroom, because cut me some slack, everybody needs to cope.

I apologize for the ruse, dear friends. Cuz this was all totally a lie and I have exactly ZERO answers for maintaining your sanity. I mean, I guess personally Ilike hot baths, complicated puzzles, and again, the crying in the bathroom always seems to help, but that's not advice. That's just some stuff I like. OH AND COFFEE. Sorry, can't believe I almost forgot coffee. Coffee IS advice. Listen to coffee. 

Thing is, it's super easy to make a sanctimonious list of "How Tos". To type out flighty advice as to how you could feel younger and better looking and smarter and generally just better at life. But my friends, that stuff is garbage. And mostly annoying. And when it comes down to it, chicks who cry on the toilets do NOT do sanctimony well. I think it might be because of the toilets, but in truth I need to expand my sample size before I run more tests.

So that's it, friends. No advice for you today. Life is chaos sometimes. And it's hard sometimes. And we all do our best... most of the time. Take a deep breath, relax. And enjoy, I suppose, because someday, the quiet will come. And word on the street is,  Sanity gets pretty boring.


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