Because Motherhood, that's why.

So fun fact, today was Mother's Day. I feel like most of you already knew that. If some of you did NOT know that then HEY. CALL YOUR MOM. She deserves that at least. I mean, she gave birth to you, wiped your butt, and has worried about you every moment since. Good grief.

In this day and age, you're not allowed to start talking about Mother's Day without acknowledging that it brings complicated feelings for a lot of people, but I think the same could probably be said for Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and Valentine's Day, and most Mondays, so I'm skipping it. No trigger warnings here. Also? Stop being triggered so easily, bro. This blog is basically always stupid, and no one needs to feel that sad about stupid stuff.

Okay, so it's Mother's Day and #TriggerWarningNotTriggerWarning mine has been like, a bananas good day. Now, due to a 1 car situation my family finds itself in, I knew we'd be headed to church crazy early and I was not looking forward to that. But INSTEAD of wait times and exhaustion, what it meant was that I got to go out to breakfast with my kids and my own mother and it was fun and fattening and very wonderful. And then I got to visit with great friends at a wonderful church service, and bring home lunch and take a nap and then had a long and amazing and 100% uninterrupted bath which is basically the unicorn of experiences in this house. Fabulous, is what I'm saying. Restful and sweet and FABULOUS.

So fershur, Mother's Day can be awesome. But there's this funny thing though, wherein it turns out Mother's Day is just this day in your real life. And also, real life has kids in it. And kids are unpredictable little suckers. Some years, having kids has meant that my Mother's Day involved fabulous presents. Other years, it involved no sleep and catching vomit in your hands before it hit the carpet*. Some years its been full of people and events, and other years I sat home alone with my kids, too sick or tired or spent even to make it to church.

The thing is though, it's all motherhood. It's all an appropriate representation of what real parenting actually is. Sometimes it's utterly sleepless and arguments with your spouse over who got up last time. Sometimes it's a loud and crazy meal at a restaurant, and leaving an extra big tip because... sorry guys. I'm really sorry. Or it's a messy house and playing board games on the floor. Or it's This Is Your Last Warnings I Swear To Pete You Better Stop That Right Now and spankings and chore lists and tears.

You can see. The list got long. Not an accident.
And now my house is clean.
Now, this particular Mother's Day was super fabulous, as I've said. Well mostly fabulous. Again. Kids. My daughters had garbage attitudes and refused to listen to relatively simple instructions like "don't stand on top of the air conditioning unit", and "stop screaming and punching people all of the time please". And while a less thoughtful observer might scream NOOOO!!! My children are ruining my Mother's Day!!!! I am a strong believer that:
1- It is impossible to ruin Mother's Day because Mother's Day is totally made up and only exists if the tiny terrible humans exist in the first place** 
2-it's time to make some fracking LEMONADE.

As I explained to the daughters: I would have preferred to have children with good attitudes who listen to their parents today, but barring that, I will at least have a very clean house. So I made them a list. And every time I heard them screaming at each other or saw them playing in their room instead of doing what they were asked, I added things to the list.

In the end, my boys were sweet and doting and showered me with affection and presents that were 100% toys and books they found in their room wrapped in supplies they found in a gift-wrapping box under my bed. And my daughters cleaned my house.

So there you have it. Happy Mother's Day to me. And Happy Mother's Day to any of you who also needed this hardcore parenting win. You. Are. SoSoVERY. Welcome.

*This is my straight up hard core parenting street cred. It's like the mom equivalent of getting jumped in. It's how I know I am in fact amazing.

**Or there's this rumor about clapping your hands and shouting I DO BELIEVE IN MOTHERS but I haven't tested it yet.

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