Thursday, May 24, 2018

Callin' it Quits!


A couple weeks ago I overheard my kids talking in the van.

"We're going to Chuck E Cheese soon!"
... wait what?
"That's right, we are because Kaden's gonna graduate from Kindergarten this year!"
... wait WHAT?
"And every time someone graduates from kindergarten, we get to Chuck E Cheese!"
WAIT WHAT?!?

So fun story, TECHNICALLY yes, I forgot what grade my son was (hashtag homeschool problems) but that's not the focus here. Cuz the focus here is not my personal shortcomings. We'll save that for next week or something. Today's focus is actually on what an amazing mom I am, and what a special magical beautiful childhood I am bestowing upon my lucky little offsprings. Because that's the thing: I've just been a super amazing mom. That's all. We should really just end it there.

But as it turns out...

CHILDREN REMEMBER EVERYTHING.

I mean sure, they fake like they forget how you asked them to make their beds or put their shoes away or brush their teeth, but don't believe it. Don't believe it for a minute. Those boogerheads forget. Nothing.

So we officially finished our school year Friday before last, and guys let me tell you I was not prepared. I'm really not sure how this happened, life has been busy of course, and I've had my eyes on the prize: Monday morning, May 14th- the day I could wake up and NOT worry about educating my kids*. So yeah I had my eyes fixed on the prize, and as it turns out the kids had their eyes fixed on this totally different prize. And that prize was all the super magical special things I had provided when the oldest 2 hit this particular, totally arbitrary milestone.

Pro Tip: If you have more than 2 kids, do not do anything special for your kids. Ever. 
Because you'll forget to do it by Kid 3, but Kid 3 will never never forget and will definitely resent you for it and immediately add it to their memoirs of early childhood trauma.

So because I am at least 1% afraid that Kid 3 will add me to some sort of sadness journal and cry about how I flaked on his Kindergarten, I hustled. I made sure the kids found their back-to-school outfits (this took hours you are welcome children), and Husband and I found a few free hours early on Saturday so we could swing a trip to Chuck E. Cheese.

Then Saturday morning, the day after our last day of school mind you, I dug through storage, pulled out my old graduation gown, and got to ironing. I realized that I'd spent hours photoshopping official-ish looking kindergarten diplomas for my first two kids, and so I jumped on the internet to find the quickest possible rip-off solution to the problem. Done. Nailed it.
 Turns out kid 3 didn't graduate with honors. I didn't actually realize this till now. Oops.

Which is just about the exact moment where I remembered the gift.

Oh Crap. The gift.

So as it turns out, we suddenly, spontaneously, remembered that we bought the girls gifts when they graduated kindergarten. Special purchased bits of happiness to celebrate their grand achieviement of completing coloring and nose picking school. Which doesn't feel that important.... except that again: Children remember EVERYTHING.

And sure enough, a few minutes later, Kid 3 walks up to me. Again, it's Saturday morning, while I'm ironing and printing and trying to get everything done so we can get to Chuck E Cheese before Husband needs to get to work in the evening.

Kid 3 walks up and says, "so... do I maybe get some kind of present today?"

And what do I tell him? I mean I have no gift. In fact this whole idea hadn't even occurred to me till about 6 minutes prior to the conversation I was suddenly in.

"YES," I tell him. "YES you get a gift. In fact, you get something really special. Now it's not wrapped, but it's a very special, very grown up boy present. Is that okay with you?"**

And ya know what? He said yes. He was excited. So what we did was this: we told him to pick the store. Then we told him that since now he was a BIG boy, he was going to get to pick out his own BIG boy outfit. Something fun for summer. And ya know what? He actually loved it. 

I'm gonna be honest, I was frazzled. Frazzled and caught off guard and I felt like  crap because I'd planned far ahead of time and planned a magical event for the girls, and then had a middle of the night panic attack for the boy. But despite my crazy, this child was celebrated. And his day was special. We spent time together as a family and somehow, he didn't notice my failure.

Oh yeah, and the best part? I've only got 1 more kid to go.

*Yes obviously education happens everywhere and learning is life and blah blah chill. The kids are currently on Day 8 of their summer curriculum. Boom. High five.

**Bluffing. It's called bluffing.

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